who was it?

so i was driving home this evening, and at one point i was behind a bmw whose license plate said this: VRY HOT.

seriously? i couldn't see the ego that was driving because i had to turn, but i can't even imagine...

i take my life for granted

the other day i got an email from a very old friend. she was asking for prayers for a good friend of hers (ericka). ericka is about 30 and engaged. about a week or two ago, ericka suffered an aneurysm. although she was showing small signs of improvement, her family received some bad news a few days ago: she will require 24/7 care for the rest of her life. in reading her story (her dad has a carebridge thing), i saw a glimpse of what she was like before this happened (vivacious, athletic, active, fun, sarcastic), and it just reminded me of myself. and then there were so many thoughts: this could be me; how her fiance must feel; i don't appreciate the gift of being healthy nearly enough; and then the tears.

i began thinking that this was a VERY healthy young girl (much more so than i am right now!), and i realized that this could have happened to me! i still have that teenager mentality that nothing bad is going to happen to me. here i am 3 months pregnant (at 36 years old), and i am acting like i'm 23 and still in the best shape of my life (and micah HATES it). i ignore what i probably shouldn't, and i do what needs to be done, even if it involves lifting things i shouldn't or moving things, or whatever. i'm just not scared of being injured, whether it be self-inflicted or (God forbid) not.

while this is nothing new for me (i've never been scared of being attacked or anything, often putting myself in less-than-desirable predicaments; i still think i can inflict damage on people twice my size...yes, i'm insane), i have to wonder if it is normal. do my friends still feel this way, or should we start to feel more vulnerable as we age?

what about ericka? does she know what's happening? is her brain functional, but her body just won't respond? i can't imagine! i get mad at myself when my body won't do things as well as it used to (which aside from sports and competitive stuff isn't much). i would be so frustrated if it were me. actually, that word doesn't even come close to what i'd be. i would be unbelievably angry, and if i couldn't express it, it'd be even worse.

then i started thinking about ericka's fiance and what he must be going through. what a nightmare! what does he do now? first, the woman he loves with all of his heart is not (and never will be) the same. but more than that, she will never be able to love him back the way she used to. i can't imagine the dilemna this presents. does he move on? does he stay and fight for her life with her? it breaks my heart on so many levels!

and then it made me sad to realize that i have no appreciation for my life. i have spent the last 7 months being pissed about the inconvenience of our house situation. really?? that's it? a house? i have a beautiful, healthy, happy little boy (with another baby on the way); i have a husband who loves and cares for me; and i had a wonderful place to stay during the mess. not to mention the fact that all of my body parts work well (aside from a few brain lapses here and there). i can see; i can hear; i can taste; i can smell; I can walk (and even run some days); i can think and process; i can go where i want when i want to without the help of others (i'm thinking personal hygiene here); i can communicate what i am thinking (most of the time); i can show affection and understand that same response from others. these are things i just expect to be able to do. why? God never said we would all be healthy. life and health truly are gifts. i want to be able to remember this every day and thank Him.

what you don't know...

so i've lived here about 7 1/2 years now, and so far (aside from floods and hurricanes), things have always been pretty calm. micah and i know all of our immediate neighbors (next door, across the street, a few houses down, etc). today, however, we experienced something a little different.

two houses down on ebony (so next to our driveway 2 houses down) the police showed up (in a suburban with "crime investigation" on the side). then the police dogs showed up. then center point and haz mat and the FBI showed up. naturally, our first thought was that they were running a meth lab out of the back.

but then we got to thinking: they let the lady who lives there leave with her 3 kids and her grandmother. no one was arrested or even seemed to be questioned at length (although i can't be sure of the second). the man who owns the house (the brother of the woman who lives there) has been here all day with the officials, but he's been walking around feely and talking to them casually. then this afternoon around 2, a fire truck showed up...the kind that has the jaws of life and stuff.

about this time, we found out from our neighbors across the street (whom we love) that there is a murder investigation going on. well, we put 2 and 2 together, and we figured there must be a body buried somewhere. we can now hear the guys over there with saws (and they're sawing concrete). all we can come up with is that someone buried a body in concrete.

nice huh? if i ever find anything out, i'll be sure to post. i would go ask, but one of the neighbors already has, and the police said they couldn't comment on what was happening.

at least the news crews haven't showed up! i don't want to turn on the tv and see our house and that uber-stupid neighbor they always find saying something oh-so-texas.

oh the irony...

so after i sent out my little link to this blog, several people responded to me (via phone call because they wanted to laugh out loud at me). apparently when i typed the name i wanted to use for the website (intended brutallyhonestbarnes), i accidentally typed BUTallyhonestbarnes. hmmm, me, the spelling/grammar nazi. so does this mean i have to get used to being imperfect now that i have a kid(s)??

previous posts

since i can no longer log on to my old account (because the email address they're sending my new password to is no longer valid, and i can't change the email address until i log on...genius!), i just got a new blog. here's the link to all my old posts (just in case anyone cares).

http://brutallyhonest-paige.blogspot.com/

why? (part 3)...a year later

lots going on since my last post (house flooded, had a kid, pregnant again, had to get a new blog), but i'll try to pick up where i left off...

so this one is "why don't people do what they say they will do?"

i think if i had to name my one pet peeve that tops them all, this would be it (and micah would agree that this is my #1, while also begging me not to be so upset when it doesn't happen). however, i really don't understand why people tell me they're going to do something and then don't follow through. i've had complete strangers tell me this (phone company, cable, sales people), as well as trusted loved ones.

my thought is this: either tell me you can't do it, or follow through. is that difficult?? is it because people have a hard time admitting that they can't do something? am i the only person who doesn't care about being a people-pleaser (in other words, i'm not afraid to tell people no)?

i was raised to say what i mean and mean what i say. i expect the same courtesy from others.

apparently my expectations are too high. how sad.