i take my life for granted

the other day i got an email from a very old friend. she was asking for prayers for a good friend of hers (ericka). ericka is about 30 and engaged. about a week or two ago, ericka suffered an aneurysm. although she was showing small signs of improvement, her family received some bad news a few days ago: she will require 24/7 care for the rest of her life. in reading her story (her dad has a carebridge thing), i saw a glimpse of what she was like before this happened (vivacious, athletic, active, fun, sarcastic), and it just reminded me of myself. and then there were so many thoughts: this could be me; how her fiance must feel; i don't appreciate the gift of being healthy nearly enough; and then the tears.

i began thinking that this was a VERY healthy young girl (much more so than i am right now!), and i realized that this could have happened to me! i still have that teenager mentality that nothing bad is going to happen to me. here i am 3 months pregnant (at 36 years old), and i am acting like i'm 23 and still in the best shape of my life (and micah HATES it). i ignore what i probably shouldn't, and i do what needs to be done, even if it involves lifting things i shouldn't or moving things, or whatever. i'm just not scared of being injured, whether it be self-inflicted or (God forbid) not.

while this is nothing new for me (i've never been scared of being attacked or anything, often putting myself in less-than-desirable predicaments; i still think i can inflict damage on people twice my size...yes, i'm insane), i have to wonder if it is normal. do my friends still feel this way, or should we start to feel more vulnerable as we age?

what about ericka? does she know what's happening? is her brain functional, but her body just won't respond? i can't imagine! i get mad at myself when my body won't do things as well as it used to (which aside from sports and competitive stuff isn't much). i would be so frustrated if it were me. actually, that word doesn't even come close to what i'd be. i would be unbelievably angry, and if i couldn't express it, it'd be even worse.

then i started thinking about ericka's fiance and what he must be going through. what a nightmare! what does he do now? first, the woman he loves with all of his heart is not (and never will be) the same. but more than that, she will never be able to love him back the way she used to. i can't imagine the dilemna this presents. does he move on? does he stay and fight for her life with her? it breaks my heart on so many levels!

and then it made me sad to realize that i have no appreciation for my life. i have spent the last 7 months being pissed about the inconvenience of our house situation. really?? that's it? a house? i have a beautiful, healthy, happy little boy (with another baby on the way); i have a husband who loves and cares for me; and i had a wonderful place to stay during the mess. not to mention the fact that all of my body parts work well (aside from a few brain lapses here and there). i can see; i can hear; i can taste; i can smell; I can walk (and even run some days); i can think and process; i can go where i want when i want to without the help of others (i'm thinking personal hygiene here); i can communicate what i am thinking (most of the time); i can show affection and understand that same response from others. these are things i just expect to be able to do. why? God never said we would all be healthy. life and health truly are gifts. i want to be able to remember this every day and thank Him.